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How to Talk with a Cult Member

As you know, at Avatar Uncovered, we also provide loved ones, family and friends with the education and support they need to deal with someone they care about who has been pulled into Avatar. 

If the situation is out of our depth, then we make referrals to cult experts, mediators and interventionists.

If you are in this situation, one of the most beneficial things you can do is learn how to effectively talk with your loved one. 

No matter how dire your scenario may seem, this alone can make a big difference.

Here are some I found written by Ian Haworth from the CIC UK (Cults Information Centre) in his book – Cults: A Practical Guide. 

I thought these “Do’s and Don’ts” would be very useful for those who need them.


The Do’s

Do try to keep in regular contact via email or phone, even if there is little response.

Do express sincere love for the cult member at every available opportunity.

Do keep a diary of comments, attitudes and events associated with his/her life in the cult.

Do always welcome back the cult member into the family home no matter what is said.

Do keep copies of all written correspondence from you and the cult member.

Do record all the names, addresses and phone numbers of people linked with the cult.

Do try to bite your tongue if the cult member makes unkind comments.

Do read all the recommended books relating to cults, mind control and the specific cult (in this case Avatar).

Do seek help from organisations specialising in counter-cult work.


The Don’ts

Do not rush into adopting a potential solution before carefully researching the cult problem.

Do not say, “You are in a cult, you are brainwashed”.

Do not give money to the member of the group.

Do not give away original cult documents to anyone.  Provide copies only.

Do not feel guilty.  This isn’t a problem caused by families.

Do not act in an angry or hostile manner towards the cult member.

Do not feel alone.  It happens to thousands of families every year.

Do not underestimate the control the cult has over each member.

Do not antagonise any of the cult’s leadership or other members.

Do not be persuaded to hire a cult ‘specialist’ without verifying his/her qualifications.

Do not give up hope of success, no matter how long it takes.

Do not neglect yourself or other family members.


The most important point of all – ALWAYS STAY CONNECTED! 

Never break of your connection, no matter how hard it has been.

A cult, such as Avatar love to isolate their victims.  They often know what they are doing in terms of creating conflict and the separation from family, friends, partners and the outside world.

Don’t walk straight into this trap – no matter what has been said or done. 


I hope you find these all useful.

If you are in this situation, my heart goes out to you – but also remember to NEVER GIVE UP!

All the best

Amanda x